When we come to know that a friend or family member is suffering the loss of a loved one, we try our best to sympathize with the person. A personal visit is not always possible. Thus, sending a sympathy note is a simple gesture to let them know that we are aware of the loss and our there to support in difficult times. Grief of a close one has a lot of impact, and a simple note of sympathy helps the person to overcome the recent loss of a loved one. We wish to send a note or a condolence letter, but are confused about how to express our feelings in words.
You must always write the letter by hand and never type or print it. Use some simple and comforting phrases, which feel natural. Such words will soothe the person to a certain level. Sometimes a personal note with some past memory of the person becomes very encouraging. Sharing old happy memories and your relation with the person brings smile and warmth to him who has faced the loss. They will also feel that someone is there to support him in bad times. Even if we don’t have a personal relation, a few simple words of sympathy will always be appreciated. It is just that we want to offer our condolences as a way to help comfort them, so simple natural words are more effective than made up stories.
Writing a condolence letter is out of love and concern but the task of composing one is quite difficult as you do not know what statement of yours would help the bereaved and not hurt him. We are very well aware that the person must be in a very fragile state of mind. In such a state writing anything wrong may add to the grief. It may have the opposite effect. Instead of making him feel comfortable it will unease him. So it is very important that we speak from our heart. The heartfelt words may console him only for a few moments but will surely help. Even the gesture of sending condolences messages makes the bereaved relieved because of the fact that there are people around him who are upset on his loss and care for him.
We think that our small note may not be very sympathizing but if we use some basic guideline then we may have a good and personal impact on the person. Use some simple lines to start the note with:
- We are thinking of you in this difficult time
- My sincere sympathy
- Please accept my condolences
- With caring thoughts
- With loving memories of “ name of the deceased”
- Sent with love and remembrance
We can use sympathy quotes in our note:
- Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.
From a Headstone in Ireland
- They say love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies. William Penn
- To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.
- Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower, we will grieve not; rather find strength in what remains behind.
- I know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought and decision we make. Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories. We find comfort in knowing that our lives have been enriched by having shared their love.
Leo Buscaglia
Each of the above is only an example, which can be modified according to the relation and the closeness of the relation. While writing a condolence message include the following things in it:
- Acknowledge the loss of the person
- Express your sympathy
- Mention any special quality of the deceased that strikes you
- Add a special memory of the person
- Remind the family of the deceased of their strengths
- Offer them help in ways like, “Let me know if I am of any help.”
- End the message with a wish or hope like, “Wishing you God’s peace.”
Condolence messages should never be too spiritual and intense. Suggestions like “move on with your life without him/her” never helps. You need to understand that the family of the deceased is in pain and does not wish to hear the common words that everyone has to say. Rather, you must pen down your thoughts about the person, your relation with him and how he had touched your life. Viewing their loved ones life through one of his friend’s perspective will give them relief and will definitely bring a smile on their face not only on that day but also anytime in the future when they go through it.
