Writing a sympathy note and choosing the proper words of sympathy, for a person who has just lost a close one, is the most difficult of tasks. We know that such a big loss cannot be lessened by any words, gifts or flowers. We don’t feel the same intensity of grief, and can’t imagine what the person must be going through. But still a small note and a few words of sympathy may console the person for a few moments. Those few words will convey the message that “I am there for you in this difficult time”.
People also think that one must leave the person in grief all alone, which can be the best solution to vent out the pain. Others think that attending the funeral, making a call or paying a visit to the family of the deceased in person is enough and no words of sympathy are required. But there are people who appreciate the condolences messages and feel that there is someone to be by their side.
Sympathy is not restricted by the intensity of relation or the distance of the relation. Even after attending the funeral, we can send the sympathizing words through a call or letter, even after a week, it will be comforting as the thought that we cared is enough to come over the pain.
People fail to choose words of sympathy wisely, and end up with some serious disasters, which intensify the grief of loss. There are also some bereavement forums which have sections stating how people wrote some rude and insensitive things. Also the most hurtful remarks actually come from the nicest people, from whom we never expect such remarks.
We don’t have to write spiritual or profound condolence messages. We only need to comfort the other person so be as simple and natural as you can. Suggestions to “move on with your” does not help or provide comfort. Understand that the surviving family members are in pain, but do not wish to forget their loved one.
A little concern by expressing your sympathy consoles the bereaved most as it means a lot to him. But once we make attempts to fix things or give explanations we ruin the purpose of our words. Therefore, no advices and no solutions. Below are some examples that can be used to write the words of sympathy. They are simple and natural just to comfort and not only to fulfill the formality.
- Dear (name),
- I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.
- Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
- “While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil.” – John Taylor
- When we lose someone we love, it seems that time stands still.
I am sure you are missing (name of deceased) everyday. We all miss him too.
This is just to let you know that you are in my thoughts, and I am free this weekend. If it’s OK with you, I can drop by to see you and the kids. I’ll be staying in touch with you.